As the famous John Green quote from Paper Towns proclaims, “It is so hard to leave – until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”
Never realizing how true his words were, I believed that escaping to a place apart from home wasn’t terrifying, but rather an evoked feeling as if you were skydiving for the first time even though you have a fear of heights. It’s the adrenaline that makes you want to do the daring yet you have no clue what the landing point is, so you take a chance – whether you wimp out and stay in the helicopter or scream with all your might and jump out.
Even as an eleven year old, I would sit in my my room with walls of pink and princess sheets and would stare out my window imagining myself walking along the sidewalk with a bag and never coming back. I imagined running away and being free from everything behind me. Even when I was little.
Now that I’m older, I still imagine myself running away, but I don’t see myself walking along the sidewalks in my city. I visualize myself driving for hours until dawn breaks until I’m in another time zone.
Hitting the reset button, I’d be able to depart from my life and travel to another town where no one knows who I am or my past. I can start over with a new name, a new home, and new people. I could restart.
I don’t favor the drowsy, painful routine handling the same irrational people, the same psychiatrists, and doing the same old same old. I thirst for the obscurity from another world I can create just by grabbing money and a bag.
It’s sounds nonsensical; however, escaping from my own reality and abandoning it seems like a dream. Because it is. It’s all just a fantasy, but somehow, in some way, I desire to make it my reality.